


The Box of Memories

by katychan666



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Season 3 Episode 5 - Stronger than heaven, Some angst, Spoilers, a hopeful ending, talking things out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 14:11:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14357124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666
Summary: Alec and Magnus having a little talk about Magnus' past and the biggest issue... immortality. Not all gets resolved, but things seem a lot more hopeful at the end.Based on today's episode, so spoilers ahead!





	The Box of Memories

As the day was coming to an end, Alec slowly made his way back to Magnus’ loft, returning back from the Institute. The two of them had made up after Alec came clean about going through the box which possessed things about Magnus’ past lovers, but things were still weird between them. Alec wasn’t stupid, he knew that he messed up by confronting Magnus like that. He was sure he was completely okay about knowing Magus’ past and how many relationships the man had, but it was different now that he actually _saw_ some of it and he felt his stomach dropping when he went into the living room and saw Magnus sitting on the couch, turned away from him, his head bowed down and he was holding something in his hands.

The Shadowhunter opened his mouth to say something, but he closed them again and sighed as he glanced at the warlock, who was still looking away. Surely, Magnus was aware he was there too, but he rather looked away from him? Nervously, Alec bit into his lower lip and felt a stab of guilt at his heart and he cursed as he tried to calm down his racing heart, but it wouldn’t listen to him. He said too much before, didn’t he? That was because he wasn’t paying attention to what he was saying, he was so nervous that he didn’t watch out what was coming out of his mouth.

Magnus was immortal, he wasn’t. That was exactly what bothered Alec. Surely, maybe he was a bit jealous, but not of Magnus’ past lovers. He was jealous of the people who were going to come after him. Made their way into Magnus’ heart and the warlock would move on. Forget him. Well, not exactly, of course Magnus wouldn’t forget him, he remembered the people he loved fondly and never forgot them. But still, he’d move on and Alec wasn’t prepared for that.

“Magnus, I’m home,” said Alec softly, carefully and he kept his distance, but then slowly made his way closer to Magnus and gently placed his hand on top of Magnus’ shoulder, who stiffened under his touch. “I, um… are you okay?” he asked softly and because he didn’t get a reply, he bowed his head down and nodded. Perhaps it was the best if he left. “Should I… should I leave?” he asked. “Okay, I’ll get going,” he said after a few moments of silence and with a heavy heart lifted his hand up. “I’ll call you and-”

“You’re leaving, just like that?” asked Magnus and Alec’s eyes widened when he heard Magnus’ voice. It was hoarse and shaky. Slowly, the warlock turned around and finally looked at Alec, who immediately felt guiltier than before. The tears on Magnus’ cheeks were all dried up, but his eyes were red, his eyeliner smudged, staining his cheeks and Alec’s breath shook when he realised what Magnus was gripping in his hands. It was that box and the _Omamori_ charm.

“I’m staying,” said Alec. “If-if that’s okay.”

“Yes, of course,” said Magnus softly and Alec nodded and slowly sat down next to Magnus. The warlock looked up, gave his boyfriend a sad smile and then looked back down, feeling tears prickling in his eyes as he looked at the _Omamori_ charm again and the box. One day, he’d put the charm into that box, among the things his _past_ lovers owned. It was never easy when his past lovers would outlive him, but this time, it was even harder.

“Magnus, I’m sorry about the things I’ve said earlier,” said Alec and Magnus slowly looked up. “You’ve been nothing but honest with me, I’m not jealous of your past lovers. I was in no position to say what I said… you were right, let’s just live in the moment and enjoy it the best we can,” said Alec and shrugged. “You have a past and are allowed to keep whatever you want. I was out of line when I was asking so many question. I shouldn’t have.”

“You’re right, you shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t make excuses about my past and I will not,” said Magnus and Alec’s stomach dropped, but he nodded. It was just so frustrating. Alec could feel a literal pain in his chest and it wouldn’t allow him to breathe properly. He didn’t like it, he hated it. “But you were wrong about one thing… I never just _move_ on,” said Magnus and looked inside of the box, gently caressing the things inside of it. “The memories might fade, but feelings don’t just go away,” he said and Alec chewed on his lower lip. “So no, I won’t just _move_ on when you… you know,” he said, couldn’t even bringing himself to say it ‘when you die, when you leave me’. It was too painful to put it into words.

Alec felt dread creeping back into his heart and his breath shook. Magnus’ heart was breaking, he didn’t want to be thinking about this already. It was only the start of their relationship, he didn’t want to be thinking about the end of it already. It always shred his heart to pieces when the person he loved passed away. He promised himself not to fall in love ever again, every time, yet there he was, madly and utterly in love with Alexander again. He was tired of this. People leaving him and he’d have to deal with their loss on his own. To put himself together, sew his heart back together. He was centuries old, yet he still wore his heart on his sleeve, making it easy for others to break it constantly.

“One day, I’ll put _Omamori_ charm into the box and-”

“No, I don’t want to hear it,” said Alec quickly. “You said we need to live in the moment and I agree with that. I don’t want to think of anything else,” said Alec, but was already visualising things. Decades from now, he wasn’t going to be there. Magnus, all alone, standing in front of the box, a sad smile on his face when he’d look at the charm and then someone new would step inside of Magnus’ life and…

Magnus gripped onto the charm tighter and Alec slowly came closer to Magnus. He gently took one of Magnus’ hands into his own and linked their fingers together. “I’m sorry if I freaked you with moving in,” blurted Alec out and Magnus looked up at him and shook his head. He could almost laugh. Alec was now just blurting things out because he was nervous.

“I understand it, you’re a Shadowhunter… so I know why you brought it up so soon,” said Magnus and shook his head. “Your kind likes to move things fast, I understand. I, on the other hand, need more time. You do understand, yes?”

“Of course, yes,” said Alec, who understood things well now. It didn’t even matter anymore, he was there at Magnus’ all the time anyway, so it didn’t make a lot of difference. Plus, Magnus liked the idea of him moving in, somewhere in the future. The smile on Alec’s face died out when he saw Magnus looking inside of the box and he bit into his lower lip. “So, um, George… was he, um, nice?”

“Like I’ve said, a brave soldier… charming and yes, nice,” said Magnus, a sad smile on his face and he looked at Alec, trying to read his expression, but unlike before, he couldn’t find a glint of jealousy on his boyfriend’s face. “He used to be my everything for quite some time,” he then added and Alec slowly nodded. He wasn’t going to hide things from Alexander, he was tired of apologising and making excuses for himself and his past. Besides, Alec deserved to know.

“What about this?” asked Alec and pointed to another thing inside of the box. “Who did this belong to?”

“Etta,” whispered Magnus and clenched his jaw. “She was the last person I truly loved before meeting you,” said the warlock and looked up at Alec, who was now just listening. No judgement, no nothing. “You okay? I don’t think it’s really wise if we go through every single thing in the box. I-”

“I want to know,” said Alec and bit his lower lip. “I want to know more about you, your past…”

“You sure?” asked Magnus. “You didn’t look too happy before when I talked about George. It looked like you were jealous?”

“I realised that it’s pretty stupid to be jealous of your past lovers,” said Alec and rolled his eyes, Magnus smiling sadly and Alec placed his hand over the hand that was gripping tightly onto the _Omamori_ charm. “You we right, it’s the now that matters, not the past.”

“And the future?” whispered Magnus.

“We’ll manage, we’ll make it work,” said Alec and huffed under his breath. “If I could I’d turn immortal for you,” whispered Alec and Magnus looked at him, eyes wide and he let out a loud gasp.

“You… you would?”

“Of course, Magnus. I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be to outlive your lovers,” whispered Alec and gently cupped Magnus’ face. “If there was a way, I’d take it in a second,” said Alec and chuckled. “I mean there’s the way of becoming a vampire, but I quite like the taste of food that you make, so I think it would be such a pity if I couldn’t taste it for the rest of eternity,” joked Alec and Magnus managed a little chuckle, but the grip around the charm only tightened and Alec slowly leaned down to kiss his boyfriend. “But if there was any other way… I’m doing it.”

“Alexander, being immortal doesn’t really have that much perks. You-”

“It’d mean spending the eternity with you, no?” asked Alec and Magnus slowly nodded. “Well, what more could I ask for?” asked Alec with a smile and Magnus made a short pause and just looked into Alec’s eyes. That’s not what Etta said when he asked her if she would become immortal if there was a way to do it. Magnus respected her wishes, at the time and still did, but it touched him to no end that Alec would actually do it for him… no, _them_. “What? What did I say?” asked Alec when he noticed Magnus going silent.

“Nothing,” said Magnus, voice shaking again and he leaned up and gave his boyfriend another kiss, which lasted a lot longer than before, Alec’s eyes widening when he saw fresh tears on Magnus’ face when they parted.

“I said something wrong,” said Alec quickly. “I’m sorry, I’m an idiot.”

“You aren’t,” said Magnus and placed the box away, gently cupping his boyfriend’s face and he then looked at the _Omamori_ charm that he was still gripping on. “You’re the sweetest, more wonderful man ever,” said Magnus and Alec smiled sheepishly. “I think it’s time to put this away,” said Magnus and closed the box, disappearing to its usual place with the snap of Magus’ fingers and Alec shrugged. He wouldn’t really mind listening to more stories. “Now, how about a dinner?”

“Okay, dinner sounds lovely,” whispered Alec and followed Magnus into the dining room, where Magnus conjured up a lovely meal for the two of them. The rest of the evening passed by in peace and silence, but there was still a little, but persistent gnawing going on inside of Alec’s heart… the immortality issue.

Alec promised to himself that he’d do something about it. Change it. Not Magnus, but himself. He was becoming immortal. Period.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Comments and opinions are well appreciated =)  
> Come visit me on [Tumblr](http://katychan666.tumblr.com/) :)


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